Sunday, March 10, 2019

The 10 Rules for Survival in a Cozy Mystery World

Although there are always exceptions, the majority of amateur sleuths in cozy mysteries are women in their late 20s or early 30s who are entrepreneurs. Whether they intentionally become amateur sleuths, or accidentally fall into the role, there are certain rules to be followed.

10 Rules for Survival in a Cozy Mystery World

1. Move to a small town where everyone will know your business.

2. Don't open a restaurant, bakery, cafe, or food business. Someone is going to die, and you'll be the main suspect.

3. Don't plan a wedding, a party, or a wedding shower. The hateful mother-in-law, ex-partner, obnoxious person will show up, cause a scene, and die.

4. Don't argue with the handsome stranger. He's the local cop, sheriff, FBI agent, who will investigate you as a suspect before falling in love with you.

5. That stray cat or dog? You might not have wanted a pet, but it's yours now, and it can solve mysteries or point to clues.

6. Your best friend? By the second or third book, they're a murder suspect.

7. Your lifetime childhood nemesis/enemy will still be antagonistic, and they're never the victim. However, at some time, you'll have to save them from prison or death. They will still be antagonistic.

8. Never charge your cell phone or take it with you when you go to an isolated park, island, woods. It wouldn't matter anyways. That's the one place that has limited cell phone coverage.

9 Speaking of that isolated park, island, woods, pond, pool, spa. Don't go there. You're going to find a body.

10. Don't argue with a boss, a chef, the news manager, the hotel manager, a real estate agent, your landlord, angry business owners, or your lover. It's all over social media. You'll lose your job and have to relocate to a small town and start a business. (See Rule #1)




*****
Thank you to my sister, Christie, first one to know about The 10 Rules for Survival in a Cozy Mystery World, and the one who made a few suggestions. (Don't worry. The sister is often a suspect, but never the victim.)

32 comments:

Jeffrey Meyerson said...

Excellent! Love it, so true.

Lesa said...

Thank you, Jeff!

SandyG265 said...

Don’t renovate a house or buisiness either. You’ll probably find a skeleton oe clue to an old murder in the walls.

Lesa said...

You are so right, Sandy. And, if you're really unlucky, it's somehow connected to that handsome guy you're now dating.

Terrie Farley Moran said...

This is fabulous! Made my day!! Thank you!

Lesa said...

Thank you, Terrie!

Vickie Fee said...

LOL -- this is great, Lisa! I was a little stuck on my WIP, but now I'm thinking about taking a walk to an isolated park. :)

Lesa said...

Oh, that's good, Vickie. Take your cell phone, even if it's not charged!

Netteanne said...

These are terrific and so true but writers should never see this list or they would not get published.

Don't date the very rich playboy bachelor because he is going to be trouble in some way and the sexy sheriff or other law enforcement person will have to save you.

But I keep reading them as you never know.

Kaye Barley said...

Don't wear high heels. You're going to have to run at some point and if you run while wearing high heels you're going to twist your ankle and fall down and the bad guys will get you.

Lesa said...

I keep reading them, too, Netteanne. I enjoy them. In other words, just date the sexy sheriff to begin with.

dru said...

Excellent and so very true.

Lesa said...

Good one, Kaye, although it’s really more appropriate for a Gothic. And you never wear a long flowing white nightgown because you’ll have to leave the house in it, fleeing for your life. Gothic rule.

Connie Berry said...

Ha! So true. We need more creativity.

Marla Bradeen said...

I love it!

Mark Baker said...

Spot on and so funny!

Ginger Bolton said...

And if you move to a small town where everyone knows your business, be the amateur sleuth. Otherwise, you might end up dead.

Leslie Budewitz said...

What fun! I like to twist a few of these, or mash them together, to play with expectations. It's such a fun genre to read and write!

Susan Bernhardt said...

Terrific!! And so funny!

Kathy Reel said...

Spot on and so funny, Lesa!

Robyn said...

You hit the nail on the head! I love it!

Susan C Shea said...

Thank you, Lesa! I'm going to quote this with full acknowledgement at LCC when I moderate The Cozy Panel!

Lesa said...

Thanks everyone! I'm glad you enjoyed it, and took it with the spirit it was intended. As you all know, I do enjoy a good cozy mystery, and I read a number of them. It was fun. I'm just mad I missed that one about the house renovation.

Grace Topping said...

Oh, my gosh. Half of these just gave away my work in progress!

Lesa said...

Haha! That's funny, Grace!

Anonymous said...

This is great! Thank you.

Cuddle Up with a Cozy Mystery and a Dachshund said...

Oh Lesa this is so perfect, I just love it! I read cozies pretty much exclusively and it's sooo funny! You nailed it for sure and yup, some may be a tad cliche' but I love cozies just the same.

Lesa said...

Thank you, everyone! I had a great time with it, and I've enjoyed your comments. As I said before, I read a number of cozies, and the tropes don't bother me. I'm just pointing out that they exist in a number of the cozy mysteries.

Jan Christensen said...

Fun read, Lesa. Made me smile. Keep it up!

Lesa said...

Thank you, Jan. This is one that made me smile when I wrote it. Thanks!

Billie Jackson said...

Perfect and hilarious!

Lesa said...

Thank you, Billie!